a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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