what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I fill condoms, not promises.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
