So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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