I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
