he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
