I wannas sexs uuuuu
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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