I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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