considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
