I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
