I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
