piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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