Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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