your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
