If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
