You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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