So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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