I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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