Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
