Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win