Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.