Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.

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  (775): I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK. http://tfl.nu/nxhd
  Replies (4) Good night (694) Bad night (779)
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  (737): View more from Texas

  and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."

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  (737): and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best" (303 ): I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas." http://tfl.nu/7cf3
  Replies (59) Good night (4592) Bad night (1087)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.

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  (305): Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS. http://tfl.nu/tzd0
  Replies (47) Good night (858) Bad night (9549)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.

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  (+44): listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all. http://tfl.nu/7xa1
  Replies (8) Good night (1178) Bad night (2671)
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  (805): View more from California

  How much is that going to cost?

  (1-805): View more from California

  A lot of beer.

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  (805): How much is that going to cost? (1-805): A lot of beer. http://tfl.nu/syqn
  Replies (3) Good night (1688) Bad night (563)
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  (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

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  (442): While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage. http://tfl.nu/yi73
  Replies (74) Good night (1397) Bad night (5376)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.

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  (715): Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day. http://tfl.nu/c6jk
  Replies (11) Good night (2025) Bad night (577)
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  (707): View more from California

  Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.

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  (707): Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires. http://tfl.nu/p299
  Replies (8) Good night (1411) Bad night (553)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.

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  (636): Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk. http://tfl.nu/yiv2
  Replies (1) Good night (890) Bad night (445)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys

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  (240): i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys http://tfl.nu/z1wp
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (913)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  "I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."

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  (814): "I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year." http://tfl.nu/a90h
  Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (477)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.

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  (440): I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land. http://tfl.nu/ihv8
  Replies (6) Good night (520) Bad night (563)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form

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  (630): I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form http://tfl.nu/1nja
  Replies (4) Good night (497) Bad night (267)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore

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  (386): I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore http://tfl.nu/saed
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (167)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.

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  (978): The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin. http://tfl.nu/o32d
  Replies (6) Good night (385) Bad night (257)

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