how can u be prego again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday