saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.