ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
