I'm pants shitting drunk right now
kristin has been a bad kristin
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
