I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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