we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
