My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
