She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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