well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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