Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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