no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
