The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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