I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
