you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
