I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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