it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Alive.
So much puke
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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