you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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