Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
