my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
