Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
