I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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