She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize