I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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