Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
