apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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