I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
