Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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