tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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