We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
