What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
