ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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