I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
