his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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