so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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