The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
