Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
