My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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