that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
