no you cant smoke seaweed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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