he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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