I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
