I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a beard to bite.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
