this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
