when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
