It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
