carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Farmville is her only friend.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
