Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
