so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
