i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
