butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
