U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
