My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
