some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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