u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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