Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
well you can't waste a boner
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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