that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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