i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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