I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
