I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I understand Curling. That high.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
