I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
