he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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